DiscoverGrief GrowerE36: "Don't Speak Ill of the Dead" Is B.S.—Why This Phrase Is Harmful to Grievers
E36: "Don't Speak Ill of the Dead" Is B.S.—Why This Phrase Is Harmful to Grievers

E36: "Don't Speak Ill of the Dead" Is B.S.—Why This Phrase Is Harmful to Grievers

Update: 2025-11-13
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You've probably heard the phrase "don't speak ill of the dead"—but what if the person who died hurt you? I'm breaking down how this common advice silences survivors, protects harmful legacies, and makes grief harder for people with complicated losses.

You'll learn:

  • Why "don't speak ill of the dead" is outdated, harmful advice

  • How this phrase impacts survivors of abuse, estrangement, or neglect

  • Three real examples of truth-telling obituaries and what they reveal

  • What to say when someone tries to silence your grief

Pre-order my new book, Of Course I'm Here Right Now: Three Actually Helpful Things to Say to Someone Grieving:
https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/of-course-im-here-right-now

Join me LIVE in LA (November) and Ohio (December):
https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/events

...

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https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links

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https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy

Listen to more episodes of Grief Grower, view episode transcripts, and submit a question for the show:
https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast

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E36: "Don't Speak Ill of the Dead" Is B.S.—Why This Phrase Is Harmful to Grievers

E36: "Don't Speak Ill of the Dead" Is B.S.—Why This Phrase Is Harmful to Grievers

Shelby Forsythia, Grief Coach and Author